Master Chief
Master Chief
Portrayed by
Microsoft Sam
UltraHyperShadow as Will Smith ("Master Chief: The Motion Picture")
Last seen
Episode count
Master Chief
SPARTAN supersoldier

Master Chief (born September 25, 1993) is the main character of the series. A rude, unintelligent, and unlikely hero, Master Chief is drawn into events bigger than he can comprehend when he becomes the target of the Network, and works with his friends the Arbiter and Cortana to fight the King and his minions. When Master Chief discovers the true nature of the King's plan, the two team up to take down Ronald McDonald, but in a shocking revelation, he discovers the King is his true archenemy and prepares for the final showdown between good and evil. Ultimately, Master Chief sacrifices himself to allow the King's destruction, but is given a second chance at life by the Voice. Despite the Voice's wishes, Master Chief leaves the fictional world and enters the real one, and his fate is now unknown.


Before the seriesEdit

A rude, idiotic, unhelpful soldier with limited combat abilities, Master Chief was created in 1993 through a supersoldier program called "SPARTAN," spearheaded by General Caesar Charlemagne (who is actually the King) and Sergeant Johnson. ("Master Chief: The Movie") ("Master Chief Rocks at Ordering McDonalds") It was later revealed that Ronald McDonald was part of the SPARTAN team and hid the coordinates to Building 69 in Master Chief's mind before his own memory was wiped. ("Master Chief Sucks at Alternate Timelines") When Johnson was overlooking the baby Chief, he and a nurse noticed the King watching through a window. ("Master Chief: The Movie") Later, due to time travel from entering the Ark on the wrong bearing, the adult Master Chief would arrive at his own birth. Johnson saw him and decided to use his armor design for the SPARTANS, a predestination paradox. ("Master Chief Sucks at Time Travel") Due to accelerated aging, Master Chief reached adulthood in only five years, in 1998, but this backfired by giving him the maturity of a young child. With the help of his first friend, the Arbiter, Master Chief stopped CATS from destroying his military base. ("Master Chief: The Movie")

Season 1 (2007-2008)Edit

After being inspired to give advice to people, Master Chief began informing Youtube viewers about such subjects as McDonalds and restaurants. ("Master Chief Sucks at Ordering McDonalds") ("Master Chief Sucks at Ordering at Restaurants") However, after CATS reappeared and attempted to cancel Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Master Chief recruited many other heroes and stopped him. ("Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Finales") Later, he battled Jack Thompson and L. Ron Hubbard. ("Master Chief vs Jack Thompson") ("Master Chief vs Scientology") After teaching viewers how to date online, he learned that there was someone else giving CATS instructions. ("Master Chief Sucks at Online Dating") ("Master Chief Sucks at Making Videos") Master Chief organized another rebellion against the mysterious villains, and though Hubbard was killed, the plan backfired when the King revealed himself, shot CATS, and captured Master Chief and the Arbiter. ("Master Chief: The Finale")

Alternate timeline (2007)Edit

When Ronald activates the Halo, an alternate timeline is created. In this alternate timeline, Master Chief is an eloquent, sophisticated, and polite protagonist, while the Arbiter is his vulgar and rude counterpart. Additionally, Cortana is his girlfriend. Master Chief meets Caesar Charlemagne, the creator of the SPARTAN project, at McDonalds. ("Master Chief Rocks at Ordering McDonalds") They go to a restaurant, where Charlemagne reveals he was head of research on the project with his assistant, Avery Johnson. Master Chief then gives the coordinates to UNSC Building 69 to Ronald. ("Master Chief Rocks at Ordering at Restaurants") ("Master Chief Sucks at Alternate Timelines")

Minisodes (2008)Edit

Incarcerated in a maximum security prison, Master Chief was visited by many of the King's new recruits, including Chad Warden, the Angry Video Game Nerd, and Chris Hansen. Barack Obama also visited him and promised to petition for his release, and they learned that Hillary Clinton was working with the King. Eventually, Master Chief was visited by the enigmatic Cortana, who told him he was part of a prophecy to kill the King. ("Minisodes")

Season 2Edit


Master Chief stages a jailbreak, but the Arbiter does not wish to come with him, choosing to stay behind and gather intelligence. ("Master Chief Sucks at Escaping Prison") On election day, he is visited by Barack Obama and John McCain and their running mates, who try to convince him to vote for him. When Master Chief can't decide (though he's hinted to want to vote for Obama but must remain "politically neutral"), the two candidates have a battle. ("Master Chief Sucks at Voting") Obama is decided as the winner of the election. However, the Arbiter and Cortana arrive and inform Master Chief of the Network, the King's group, and how Obama is sacrificing himself to give them time to escape. Hillary Clinton then assassinates Obama. ("Master Chief Meets the Network") Master Chief, the Arbiter, and Cortana arrive at the superweapon the King has been building, but when he activates it, they discover it's actually a portal to the Ark. After a battle with Hillary Clinton, they enter the portal. ("Master Chief vs the Superweapon")

Time travelEdit


Master Chief time travels

After entering the Ark on the wrong bearing, Master Chief began travelling through time. In addition to observing his own birth, would also encounter L. Ron Hubbard and give him the idea for aliens in Scientology, find Tom Cruise and accidentally encourage him to join Scientology, and most importantly, tell a young King that he should quit his job at McDonalds, setting in motion the chain of events that cause him to form the Network. ("Master Chief Sucks at Time Travel") He would also find the Arbiter and Cortana and inform them that they should leave the Network because the King is evil. ("Master Chief Sucks at Constants")


Second Finale part 1

Master Chief and the Arbiter fight the King

Master Chief is eventually reunited with the Arbiter and Cortana after using them as "constants," and they fend off the King again. ("Master Chief Sucks at Super Smash Bros.") They discover the Ark's computer and learn that the King is preparing to fire a laser from the structure. ("Master Chief Sucks at Computers") The trio's plan to stop the King is interrupted by Hillary, who goes rogue against both sides and decides to use the laser for her own purposes. Cortana successfully kills her and then begins deactivating the laser. ("Master Chief vs Hillary Clinton") Master Chief and the Arbiter fight the King, but he then reveals he is actually planning on using the laser against the Ancients, a rival group of villains who are much more dangerous than he is. But because Cortana disabled the laser, the Ancients arrive successfully, and destroy the Ark. Master Chief, the Arbiter, and Sergeant Avery Johnson escape on a ship, while the King hitches a ride on Ancients leader Ronald McDonald's ship, but Cortana is left behind in the chaos and her fate is left unknown. Master Chief and the Arbiter wake up in the year 2020, eleven years in the future, having been catapulted through time by the Ark's destruction. ("Master Chief: The Second Finale")

Season 3 (2020)Edit

Everything part 2

The final battle between good and evil

After being sent to the year 2020, Master Chief and the Arbiter decide to infiltrate a ship and fly it to the Halo ring being built by the Ancients. However, Master Chief can't resist wounding Steve Jobs, and a huge shootout occurs between the heroes and the Ancients. They escape and encounter 343 Guilty Spark. ("Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Burger King") The pair reluctantly trust Guilty Spark after he time travels to 44 BC to give a message to the King and Johnson. ("Master Chief Meets Guilty Spark") They decide to raid a Walmart store for weapons, and learn from Guilty Spark that Cortana can be rebooted onboard the Halo ring. ("Master Chief Sucks at Shopping") The pair go to the ring, defeat Jack Thompson again, and reboot Cortana. The heroes then raid the ring's control room, where they have a shootout with Ronald again and witness him seemingly activate the ring. ("Master Chief Sucks at Rescue Missions")

Because the ring was activated prior to 100% charge, the structure begins collapsing. Master Chief, the Arbiter, and Cortana disable the ring and leave Ronald for dead, but unbeknownst to them, Ronald survives and activates the ring at full charge. ("Master Chief vs the Halo") An alternate timeline is subsequently created (see section alternate timeline above). ("Master Chief Rocks at Ordering McDonalds") When the timelines are reset, the King explains that Ronald intends to raid Building 69 for a program that can be used by an AI to control the universe, and that this information was hidden in Master Chief's brain by Ronald himself. He also explains that the user of the program is destined to destroy Master Chief. ("Master Chief Sucks at Alternate Timelines") Master Chief then flees the Halo with his allies, while the King stays behind and is killed. ("Master Chief: The Secret Origin of the King")

However, at Building 69, Master Chief, the Arbiter, Cortana, and Ronald discover that the King did not die and is an AI who has now downloaded the program. The King explains how the series is scripted by a force in the "real world" and he intends to destroy that force and free everyone from their fictional prison, but the group refuses to help him and, in the chaos, Ronald and Johnson are both killed by the King. After they escape, Cortana reveals she has made contact with someone she met in the AI database who can help them: CATS. ("Master Chief Sucks at Plot Twists")
Everything part 3

The end of Master Chief

Master Chief, Cortana, and CATS go to the Quantum Flux Teleporter to find the Voice. Once there, Master Chief goes through successfully, but as Cortana goes through, the King begins shutting the portal remotely. It closes on her as she goes through and she is fatally damaged. She explains that she can no longer be rebooted because she has now fulfilled her purpose as an AI: helping Master Chief find the Voice and complete his own destiny. Reminding him of their first conversation, where she told him he is destined to kill the King, Cortana died. Master Chief meets the Voice and is wished luck by all his deceased friends and former enemies. Master Chief then has his final battle with the King. He eventually realizes he cannot defeat the King, and his only course of action is to allow the King to destroy him, thus fulfilling his purpose as an AI. The Voice then tells the King he is no longer necessary, and the King is disintegrated.

However, during the credits, Master Chief reawakens at the nexus between the two worlds. The Voice tells him that he has been given a second chance at life for his sacrifice and tries to convince him to return to his fictional life, noting that he is the star of a popular series and no longer has anything to fear. After the credits, Master Chief decides to retire and play Halo--and with one last "see you later, bitches," he exits to the real world. ("Master Chief Sucks at Everything")


Master Chief and the Arbiter are a classical comedy duo; Master Chief being the "funny man" and the Arbiter being the "straight man." Due to his accelerated aging, Master Chief has the maturity of a five year old. His onscreen subtitles are written in intentionally poor English, and he often misses social cues and fails to understand common ideas. However, he is an excellent combatant, and despite his constant pranks and jokes, is loyal to the Arbiter, his only true friend. Master Chief also demonstrates friendship to Cortana, and seems to respect Sergeant Johnson (though he did nearly call him a racial slur when they first met). Over the course of the series, as the grand scale of the plot comes into focus, Master Chief becomes more mature and intelligent, developing into a true hero.


  • In the Halo series, Master Chief's real name is John, and his rank is Master Chief Petty Officer. However, in Master Chief Sucks at Ordering, Master Chief is referred to by this name from the day he joins the military, and could have never achieved the rank in the short time he was enlisted. Therefore, it is unknown if Master Chief is his real name.
  • Master Chief's birthday is September 25. This date was chosen for no other reason than the fact that it was the date Halo 3 was released in 2007.
  • Though Master Chief appears more than any other main character, he does not make any appearances in Meet the Ancients. This makes the King the only character with the distinction of appearing in all three seasons, the minisodes, and Meet the Ancients.
  • Master Chief was 20 years old in 1998. The accelerated aging stopped when he hit age 20, so he is about 30 in the current series timeline.
  • Both Master Chief and the King are responsible for the creation of their own outfits via time travel predestination paradoxes.
  • It is hinted that Master Chief and the Arbiter live in Florida, specifically near Miami. When the Arbiter triangulates CATS's position, he says Master Chief fought Jack Thompson in Miami and L. Ron Hubbard in Orlando. ("Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Finales") Master Chief also lives within a short distance of Thompson's Miami office, which he visits twice. ("Master Chief vs Jack Thompson") ("Master Chief: The Movie")
  • Master Chief is a fan of Lost, and expresses annoyance that time travel in "real life" does not work the way it does in the show. ("Master Chief Sucks at Constants")
  • Breaking the fourth wall, Master Chief apparently makes money off of his advice videos. He states that he "made [his] first million off that McDonalds vid." ("Master Chief Sucks at Online Dating")
  • Though only stated once, Master Chief and the Arbiter are apparently roommates. ("Master Chief Sucks at Online Dating")
Characters in Master Chief Sucks at Ordering
Master ChiefThe KingThe ArbiterCortanaRonald McDonaldCATSHillary Clinton
Jack ThompsonAvery JohnsonTom CruiseThe Angry Video Game NerdChris HansenBarack Obama343 Guilty SparkL. Ron HubbardChad WardenBill GatesReggie Fils-AimeOprah WinfreyJoe BidenSteve JobsThe Voice
Samus AranMarioLinkJohn McCainAnonymousLuigiRidleyGanondorfXenuSarah Palin
Master Chief Sucks at Ordering
Season 1MinisodesSeason 2Meet the AncientsSeason 3
Main characters
Master ChiefThe KingThe ArbiterCortanaRonald McDonaldCATSHillary Clinton
Recurring characters
Jack ThompsonAvery JohnsonTom CruiseThe Angry Video Game NerdChris HansenBarack Obama343 Guilty SparkL. Ron HubbardChad WardenBill GatesReggie Fils-AimeOprah WinfreyJoe BidenSteve JobsThe Voice
UltraHyperShadowDigitalPh33rZombamazombaList of charactersTimelineBattlesTropesTrailersPostersBloopers and continuity errorsCountdown

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.