"Master Chief Sucks at Everything"
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)


May 8, 2010
Run time
6:41 (Part 1)
6:00 (Part 2)
9:19 (Part 3)
22:00 (Total)
Guest starring
Talkany Big Robot as CATS
AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton
Talkany Strong Man as Avery Johnson
Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson
James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd
Chris Hansen as himself
Audacity Charles as Barack Obama
Chad Warden as himself
UltraHyperShadow as 343 Guilty Spark
AT&T Charles as L. Ron Hubbard
LH Michael as Bill Gates
AT&T Mike as Reggie Fils-Aime
AT&T Claire as Oprah Winfrey
AT&T Mike as Joe Biden
Talkany Little Man as Steve Jobs
UltraHyperShadow as the Voice

"Master Chief Sucks at Everything" is the series finale of Master Chief Sucks at Ordering.


Part 1Edit

Everything part 1

The death of Cortana

After an epigraph by T.S. Eliot ("This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper"), Master Chief and the Arbiter are reluctant to work with CATS. Cortana explains that CATS learned of something called the "Quantum Flux Teleporter," a device that the King designed to give someone access to "the Voice," the entity the King calls the overriding force of the fictional universe. The Arbiter chooses to stay behind because, if all four of them die, no one will know of the King's plan. Before he leaves, Master Chief has a private talk with the Arbiter. He apologizes for his often rude behavior and says he considers the Arbiter his best friend, a sentiment the Arbiter returns. Master Chief also asks the Arbiter to finish and upload the final episodes of his series in the event he does not return. Master Chief, Cortana, and CATS arrive at the teleporter and activate it; however, the King begins shutting it remotely. Master Chief quickly goes through, followed by Cortana, but the teleporter explodes as she goes through. On the other end, Cortana reveals she has been fatally damaged, and cannot be rebooted because she has fulfilled her purpose as an AI: to help Master Chief find the Voice. She reminds him that every AI has such a purpose, and of their first conversation, where she told him it was his destiny to defeat the King. She then disappears before him. Master Chief hears the Voice, who tells him he cannot tell Master Chief how to defeat the King; he can only take him to the King. He says Cortana told Master Chief everything he needed to know, and then says "old friends" would like to wish him luck, at which point every deceased character appears and does so. Master Chief says he is prepared to fight the King.

Part 2Edit

Everything part 2

The battle for the fate of the universe

Master Chief encounters the King. The King says that he is destined to win because he downloaded the program and any fighting would be useless, though he will have a fair fight with Master Chief instead of simply disintegrating him; he suggests Master Chief join him so that Cortana and Johnson would not have died for nothing. Master Chief then insults and threatens the King, and they engage in their epic final battle.

Part 3Edit

Everything part 3

The end of Master Chief

Master Chief continues to fight the King and disables him, yet refuses to kill him, knowing the King will simply be rebooted again. The King continues to question Master Chief's motivation for fighting when he knows fate is against him. Master Chief remembers what Cortana said--that every AI has a purpose--and realizes what he must do. He says that the King is right that you cannot fight fate, but he is also right about the King: "[he's] a dumbass." The King proceeds to disintegrate Master Chief. The King finds himself victorious, only to encounter the Voice, who says the King has now fulfilled his purpose as an AI and is no longer necessary. The Voice then destroys the King. Sometime later, the Arbiter and CATS observe a golden memorial being built in Master Chief's honor. CATS asks if the Arbiter would like to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl or go to McDonalds, but the Arbiter refuses the offer, saying he has "a video to upload."

Credits and epilogueEdit

The end credits thank various people before showing the usual cast list. Afterwards, however, Master Chief awakens at "the nexus" between the real and fictional worlds. The Voice explains that because Master Chief sacrificed himself to save both worlds, he has been given a second chance at life. Master Chief demands to know the Voice's identity, and he says he is the creator of the series and Master Chief is the star. Master Chief questions why he must return to his fictional life, and the Voice replies that his life is just as real as he makes it and that it has all the same problems and issues as the real world, the only difference being in the fictional world, Master Chief has "nothing to fear." The subscriber credits then roll, along with special thanks.

After those credits, however, Master Chief is revisited at the nexus. He says he would like to retire and play some Halo, and he knows exactly where he is going to do it. Exiting with his catchphrase, "see you later, bitches," the camera pans back to reveal the door to the real world has been opened.


Part 1Edit

Master Chief Sucks at Everything (Part 1)06:41

Master Chief Sucks at Everything (Part 1)

Part 2Edit

Master Chief Sucks at Everything (Part 2)06:01

Master Chief Sucks at Everything (Part 2)

Part 3Edit

Master Chief Sucks at Everything (Part 3)09:19

Master Chief Sucks at Everything (Part 3)



  • Every single main and recurring character from throughout the series appears in the finale.
  • This article was the 100th article on the Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Wiki.
  • As of this episode, a moving fight scene has been taken from every Star Wars film. Specifically, fight scenes from Episodes IV, V, and VI occurred in the last three episodes respectively.

Production notes

  • The King does not appear in part 1, the only episode of season 3 where he is absent. The Arbiter does not appear in part 2. Cortana does not appear in parts 2 or 3. Ronald does not appear in parts 2 or 3.
  • Scenes from this episode were first previewed in the trailer for "Master Chief: The Secret Origin of the King."
  • The finale is the first, and only, episode(s) to be uploaded in 720p HD. Previous episodes had black pillarboxing on Youtube because they were not high definition. Every character stands in front of the same background to give a sense of continuity and to fill the whole 1280x720 screen.
  • After Master Chief remembers Cortana's words, and tells the King he's a dumbass, his subtitles are spelled correctly to represent the climax of his intellectual journey from unintelligent and rude to a hero.

Cultural references

  • Master Chief sacrificing himself to the King because their destinies and existances are tied together is an homage to the end of The Matrix Revolutions. The Voice is similar to Deus Ex Machina, the godlike being who sends Neo to his final battle. In both works, the main female character dies on the way to the godlike being.
  • The King's final words to Master Chief are "have it your way," the marketing slogan of Burger King.
  • The epigraph at the start of the episode was used extensively in the Halo 3 advertising campaign.
  • The Arbiter and CATS discussing Master Chief at a memorial built for him, followed by a mid-credits scene revealing Master Chief's survival and a post-credits scene with a cliffhanger, are all homages to the ending of Halo 3.
  • When the Voice tries to convince Master Chief to stay in his fictional universe, he heavily quotes Christof, the creator of Truman's fictional life in The Truman Show. In both works, the protagonist chooses to leave his fake life and enter the real world, saying their catchphrase before doing so.

Episode references

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